I Before We, Except if the Groom's Parents are Paying

How to word wedding invitations can be tricky, especially if you're not following the age-old tradition of the bride's parents paying for everything. Even if they are, modern couples are opting for more laid-back invitations, and traditional eloquence may not be in vibe with the mood the couple is trying to set. So here's some help with figuring that all out.

The invitation is your preview to your guests. It details the who and the where, but also how to dress, how long the wedding will be, the mood of the event, what kinds of refreshments to expect, and how family-friendly.

Traditional invitation wordings look like this:

Mr. and Mrs. Oliver Durand
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Sophie Lynn
to
Jeffrey Matthew
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Michael Lautrec
Saturday, the eighth of March
two thousand fourteen
at two o'clock in the afternoon
Venue Name
Venue Location

Notice, I say traditional - this is what wording looks like if the bride's parents are covering everything. Notice they get top billing? What if the groom's parents pay? Just switch it around. Now what if you, the couple, are paying? Here's a traditional-vibe invitation wording:

Together with their parents
Julia Esabella Sanmeters
and
Nicholas Kristoff Demett
request the honour of your presence
at their marriage
on Sunday, the fourth of October
two thousand fourteen
at six o'clock in the evening
Venue Name
Venue Location

Sweet, huh? And then, we start getting into the incredible number of variations there are out there. What if the parents of the bride are divorced and are hosting? What if the groom's parents are divorced and hosting? What if both couple's parents are divorced, hosting, it's the groom's second marriage, and the bride's father recently passed away? Get where this is going? Headache city, that's where.

Lucky us, the wedding invitation companies and wedding planners have neat resources to help us out - like this great online resource from Invitation Consultants. Once you've got the words figured out (and no one is upset about their name coming last), you can get set and order your invitations. When you do, don't forget the other key things to include in your invitation: a map with driving directions, information on the city for out-of-town guests, information on your registries, and information on accommodations for guests. It's always nice to include your phone number (or the number for your parents) for family members and guests coming from out of town, on a separate slip of paper.

There's lots of great companies out there for selecting your invitations from. Here's some beautiful samples from companies right here in Seattle!



Top row: izzy girl, Bottom row: mmm...paper

Happy planning!
Rebekah Ross
Weddings & Events

Wedding Book Reviews

Yesterday I went to my local book-sellers to see what's new in the world of wedding books. These sections of the store are usually only a couple shelves, and the usual tried-and-true books are there, like the latest Martha Stewart Weddings book, something by Colin Cowie, and oodles of "how well do you know each other" quizzes (and guys, please don't fall for those). But when looking at some of the other books, I was partially surprised, partially grossed out by what I saw. It seems like every wedding planner has written their own wedding book, and some honestly aren't worth the $14-25 they cost.

So here's some advice, when you're drawn to that section of the book store, on what's worth your hard-earned dime, and what ain't.

"The Simple Stunning Wedding Organizer" by Karen Bussen is my favorite wedding planning workbook. This baby has it all! Style quizzes, tips on what to look for with vendors, places to stick magazine clippings, even pages for you to sketch out ideas. Some books lack one thing or another, but I really like this one. My favorite thing about this book - it's a binder. You can take out, move around, and add things per your preference. Well done, Karen.

"Bridal Bargains, Secrets to throwing a fantastic wedding on a realistic budget" by Denise and Alan Fields. This book is a MUST HAVE for all brides wanting to get a bargain for their big day. There's reviews of everything - what gown designers cover what sizes with what gown options, to big big bargain options. They've got the questions to ask vendors like you'd expect - but they also cover things some folks don't - like will your celebrity photographer be shooting the wedding themselves or will they staff it out? This book is golden - you should own it.

"Weddings" by Colin Cowie. Colin Cowie is probably the biggest name in wedding planners there is. He does the royals and super-A-list celebs (like Trump and Oprah). If you aren't spending millions on your wedding you can't touch him with a 10-foot-pole. Lucky us, he writes a lot of books. Now, I'm not a Colin Cowie groupie, so I can honestly say that most of his books leave me with a "take it or leave it" attitude. But not this one. This book is a step by step instruction guide for brides and planners on how to create a wedding, complete with a copy of a Colin Cowie wedding day timeline in the back. If you want to mimic this planner's incredible style, this is where to go.

"The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Weddings" by Joshua Piven, David Borgenicht, and Sarah Jordan. The latest in the hysterical yet handy book series, this is a great book to get a laugh from, but it's what you'll be reaching for on the big day when something goes wrong. I learned things about stain-removal I'd never heard of, and some solid advice that is my day-to-day bread and butter. This is a great book for you to give your maid of honor to keep in her emergency kit.

"Buff Brides" by Sue Fleming. If you've got a weight-loss goal for your wedding day (and let's face it, who doesn't), this is the book for you. This book pairs a great workout schedule with little reminder tips on the borders, like "schedule gown fitting". Most of the book is a pictorial-guided series of work-outs, and in the back is a week-to-week guide of what workouts to do when. And, if your close to the big day and not there yet, there's even a supped-up workout to get you to your goal. After your married and have a baby on the way, there's even "Buff Moms-to-be" and "Buff Moms" books.

There's also a lot of great professionals out there that, teaming them up with what you're learning in these books, will help you get an even better wedding. Your wedding planner can help you out with a lot of the bargain and how-to advice.



Happy planning!
Rebekah Ross
Weddings & Events

Spring 2009 Bridal Gown Trends

With the upcoming release of the Spring 2010 bridal gown lines by many of the great fashion designers, I thought it was very important that we take a step back and review the trends for spring 2009 that struck our hearts only four months ago. There are still many designers putting their foot forward with their spring 09 lines and they are blending incredibly well with what we're seeing so far in the newer lines. Many of the spring 09 trends are continuing, being used in fascinating ways by designers who, at the same time, are embracing the new themes.

So today's post is about the greats from this spring's collections. They're still trendy, still chic, and oh so delicious!

First, we've got the ruffles and layers look. With just one, you've got a mid 2007 look going, but together, designers are coming up with some really incredible looks. In the photos below, the second row is of two dresses by Matthew Christopher. They both use the ruffles and layers look, but they are so drastically different. One's sweet and romantic, and the other's got so much sass walking out of a room it's making me blush!

Second, there's the mini-dress. It's been flirted with, it's been taken on one or two dates, but mama bought the cow! The cute touches of these dresses are uniquely to the mini-dress. Over-exaggeratins you can't get away with on a floor-length are very in. Big poofy bodies being broken up or just embellished are the thing. Amsale Bridal has really got it right - with the photo below, and the cute bow dress in the newest Martha Stewart Weddings magazine.

Speaking of bows - they're back. But not in a bad way. Mini-dresses have their own set of rules, but with floor lengths they are being paired with a belt, in a cohesive mono-tone way that's sweet, but not distracting. Floor-length gowns are being broken into top and bottom sections with these belt & bow additions, and it's really making people stop and give them another look in a way that last year's big "brown belt" look really didn't. Thank you fashion evolution.

Floral embelishments are in, and designers are going all-out. I'm seeing so many detailed petal designs, the most impressive the gown by Carolina Herrera in which the entire bottom half of the dress is one large flourish-y flower. On a shorter bride, this will make you look stalky and about 12 years old, but on the long and lean bride (thank you Pilates), this look is striking. Carolina's gown is a real gamble, but there's lots more floral dresses out there that will work just right with you.

And then we have the vintage look. Last year was the 40's and 60's. This year, we go back and hit up the 50's for all they're worth. So many designers are using the 50's inspiration with other looks (do you see it in the Matthew Christopher?), and some designers are just embracing the amazingly simple lines and creating dresses of such sleek beauty I'm really amazed. And this brings me to...

My #1 wedding gown dress pick of the season! I've seen hundreds of gowns, some so beautiful they made me cry. But this gown...this gown made me stop, and the incredible simplistic beauty made me fall in love. This gown is liquid love, spun into silk, and made into something so incredible it takes my breath away. With the incredibly liquidity that only silk mikado can give, my gown of the season is Valentino Sposa's "Eridanus" gown (bottom photo).

I do.



Clockwise from top left: Vineyard, Amsale, Carolina Herrera, Matthew Christopher, Valentino Sposa, Matthew Christopher


So where can you find great gowns like this? Here's a list of some of Seattle's top bridal salons:

Something Blue

La Belle Elaine's

Marcella's La Boutique

La Belle Reve

The Bridal Garden

The Princess Bride Couture

Here's also got some great videos of the Panache fashion show, and an interview with Something Blue, to get you excited for your visit to a bridal salon.

Happy planning!
Rebekah Ross
Weddings & Events

Event Music - To DJ or To Band?

In our continued series of learning how to create a great wedding (or any event, for that matter), let's cover the music for your big day. There's pretty much two options out there. Ok, three. Option one: hire a DJ. Option two: hire a band. Option three: hire both.

Now, not everyone's budget has the room for the last option; it's usually one or the other. So let's cover some of the basics!

First- what's the difference? Yes, one is a band and one's a DJ, but there's more to it than that. For example: a DJ can play you just about any song you want, especially if you give them an advance list of music you want played (which you should always do). With a band (and by this term, I'm covering all forms of live musicians) you're limited to what they know. You can request something and most groups will learn the song for you, but expect some sort of additional charge. With a band, you get the great energy that only live music can provide, which a DJ can't give (unless they're talking a lot, which is a different type of service called an "MC", or "Event Host").

If you're really torn between the two genres, go check some perspective people out. Find a couple bands, and a couple DJ's, and go to public events they're playing (please don't crash someone else's wedding). Once you've made your choice on the big "to band" or "to DJ", you've got to make sure you're getting a reliable service. If you've never heard the group or person before don't gamble on it: check them out! Again, go to a public event, or ask for a sample CD. If you're looking for a great deal on live music, check in with your local music school - students are always looking for money! And ask them to perform for you as an audition. Don't feel guilty about asking live musicians to audition, it's a very practical part of the business.

So you know who you'd like to hire, let's get to the details. The questions you want to ask the person (or group) you're hiring are pretty much the same for bands and DJ's. Are they available? How long have they been performing/been a DJ?How many hours of music are included? If they require a sound system can they provide their own? Do you have liability insurance? Do I need to provide you with food? (A hungry musician is a grouchy musician) Can you help us create a custom playlist? How much setup/breakdown time do you need? Do you take requests? Can you play our special song?

And get a copy of their contract - read it before you put any money down! Make sure there's no hidden fees, that every penny is broken down. The contract also needs to cover what they are going to wear at your wedding - don't set yourself up for purple velvet! Get two references from other wedding clients that you can call.

Once you've got your music decided, deposited, signed, get their contact information: cell phone for your on-location contact (the DJ or band leader), and someone in their office as a backup. Give all this info to your wedding planner to keep on themselves for the big day.

And that's it! Easy! To give you a little inspiration, here's some great pictures of my favorite music professionals in Seattle!



Clockwise from top left: Event Source NW, Al Vento Music, Seattle Chamber Brass, Disco Royale (DJ), Stanley Greenthal, Windstring.

Happy planning,
Rebekah Ross
Weddings and Events

Finding a Caterer that Fits the Bill

The right caterer for your wedding or event is just as crucial as the right venue, and the clothes you wear. Your food selection determines how you'll word your invitations so guests know what to wear and what to expect. Life rotates naturally around food, and happy guests are those who have full belly's. It's really that simple.

What's not simple is knowing if the person catering your event is giving you a good deal, and giving you great service along with great food. That's three big things to cover, and just looking at someone's website isn't going to cut it. You've got to get out there, see them face to face, and have a tasting.

Here are some great tips for hiring a caterer:

1. Interview at least 2 different caterers. This means having a face to face and a tasting. Even if you have to pay for your tasting, trust me that it's worth it.

2. Get all the details. Your caterer is telling you it'll cost $20 a person, but what does that include? How much staff to waiter, is there a separate cork fee for the bartender? Do you even have a bartender? Most caterers charge by the slice to plate your cake, but some don't. So do they, and how much? What's their gratuity they add to your bill? Do they charge separately for beverages or is that part of the per person fee?

3. You also need a history of their company. How long have they been in business? What's the culinary history of their executive chef? Does the executive chef focus on just your event, or do they oversee multiple events a day? Is your food cooked on-site or off-sight and then reheated?

4. Very important - find out if your caterer is insured and what their insurance covers. It's not out of line to ask to look at their detailed coverage information.

5. A great think to know is if your caterer has ever worked at your venue before. If they haven't make sure they get a tour of the facility with a venue representative so no one has any bad surprises on the big day. This is something your event planner can help you with.

6. Get your prices broken down to the smallest detail, and don't forget delivery. You don't want a big surprise that's going to cost you a couple hundred dollars that you may not have the room for in your budget. Most caterers are very open about this.

7. Get a copy of their contract before you put money down. Take it home, look it over, get advice if you don't understand it, and before you sign, make sure you do!

8. Get references from other couples. You can ask the caterer for people to ask, and check out your online resources like Wedding Wire that let you rate and comment on service. Check with the Better Business Bureau too.

9. If you have a dream dish, ask your caterer if they'll make it. If they tell you "oh yeah, we make that all the time," ask to try a sample of their version - it may not taste anything like the way you like the dish made. Most caterers will take your own recipe and make that for you, but make sure!

10. Make sure for the day-of you've got contact information for the caterer's office, the chef in charge at your venue, and that they've got your information too. If something happens, your event planner can then easily reach them and get a solution in the works.

There's a lot that goes into your wedding or event, and you want to make sure you and your guests have a wonderful time. Great food is one sure way to do that.

Happy planning,
Rebekah Ross
Weddings and Events

Choosing Your Attendants - The Worst Case Scenario Handbook

When it comes to choosing her attendants and officially saying "Susie, you're my maid of honor, the rest of you are brides maids," a lot of brides get very anxious, and some just don't event want to go there.

Too bad! Let's rip the band-aid right off, and I'll give you tips to make it clearer and easier.

There's no concrete rule out there that says your best friend from childhood or your sister has to be your maid of honor. And there's no rule that your maid of honor has to be single, or even a woman. Yes, there's lots of tradition and romance movies to back up these crazy stigmas, but look lady, this is your wedding day. Do what you want!

Band-aid off yet?

So a little history for ya. Years and years ago when bridesmaids were first made popular, they served two purposes. The first was so that if someone tried to ride in on a horse and steal the bride, he or she would be confused by the many ladies dressed alike, and the bride would be safe. Phew! The second purpose, and this is real 'chicken or the egg' stuff, was that in case the bride (or the groom, as this served the same purpose for the groomsmen) was unable to marry (or unwilling), everybody just moved over one step to the left (or right) and boom, insta-couple, lets get this wedding going. Why, you ask? During this time, most marriages were arranged to serve political or commercial needs. The attendants, both male and female, were recognized as appropriate replacements. Should the bride run off with the stable boy, the maid of honor married the groom and the bride's father and the groom's father could still go into business together.

Ok, history lesson over, lets get back to your problem. Some brides are lucky and know exactly who's their maid of honor and bridesmaids, and no one's feelings are getting hurt by the choice. But...most girls want to be the maid of honor. They see this as a big competition as to who's a better friend to the bride, or some other popularity contest.

So what to say to the gals not chosen for the 'of honor' position, but are still bridesmaids? First, make it a one-on-one conversation. No one likes to be embarrassed in public, so do this in a place you will both be comfortable. Sitting in the park sipping Starbucks together is a great local - it's even territory. When you're with your gal-pal, start out with the good news (if she doesn't already know). And then ask, in a nice way, for her (or him) to be a bridesmaid. And phrase it well. For example:

"Carol, this is a very special day I'll remember for the rest of my life, and it would mean the world to me if you were a part of it as my bridesmaid."

Notice I didn't say "a bridesmaid" or "one of my bridesmaids". This is a sneaky way of subconsciously letting her (or him) know that she (or he) is one of a kind. Yes, you're one bridesmaid in a group of 2 or more, but you're there for me as an individual. This is the good stuff you're stressing here.

Now, this is usually the point that about 70% of gal-pals get uber excited, give you a hug, and say "oh I'd love to! let's start planning!". Great! You've passed the stressful moment and everyone's in a good mood. For now.

The other 30% of gal-pals have a less gushing response. Some go straight for the throat - "well who's your maid of honor?" Don't panic! I'll get you through this.

A great answer you can give her is "Mary's my maid of honor. I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings because I need you there on my wedding day."

Ahh, tricky me! Phrasing your answer like this gives you a couple of things. First, you've been honest. You straight out said "Mary's my maid of honor". Good for you. The second sentence also sets you up in two ways, first, you're apologizing without apologizing, and you're throwing a little guilt in there too. At this point, most gals cave, reassure you that they're happy for you and not hurt, and off we go on the happy planning discussion.

But then...some gals won't let go. Are you ready?

If your friend at this point really starts to get upset or angry with you for not having the coveted role, you need to remember to stay calm and don't start fighting. This is someone you want standing with you as you get married and you don't need any bad karma.

At this point, you've got some limited options. One of the best things is to give your friend some breathing room.

"Carol, you're very important to me, and I want to have you there with me. I don't want you to do something you don't want to do, so I want to give you some time to think about being my bridesmaid. I'm sorry I've hurt your feelings, you're my friend and that's the last thing I want to do. Please call/email/visit me when you've made up your mind."

Then grab your drink and walk away. Most ladies will calm down, you'll reconcile, and all is good. The key here is not to make excuses ("Mary's better at planning parties"). And remember, her feelings are hurt, so be nice.

Now, let's cover the "who to choose". Like I earlier stated, there's no rule for who is supposed to be an attendant. For example, my fiance's best man is the woman who introduced us. She's wearing a tux and everything. Why did he make that choice? Because this woman is a dear friend, and because she was the one that introduced us he felt it gave great meaning to have her stand beside him.

Don't feel obligated to choose one person over another. If your friend you met last year has become your best friend, it's ok to choose him or her over your sibling. It's not a "I knew them first". It really comes down to this: when you're looking at your wedding pictures 30 years from now, who do you want to see standing with you? This is one of the biggest days of your life, make your choice out of love, and it'll be the right one.

Happy planning,
Rebekah Ross
Weddings and Events

An Interview with Sharlane Chase of Urban Unveiled

I recently sat down with Sharlane Chase, one of the founding members of Seattle's hottest wedding show 'Urban Unveiled'.

Sharlane and I met at her house, a cute little home in north Seattle. Stepping in, I thought I was in Hotel 1000 or something - the decor throughout was tasteful, modern, and oh so cute. Over a cup of tea and fresh madelines we talked about 'Urban Unveiled'.

Rebekah: Sharlane, tell me about 'Urban Unveiled'.

Sharlane: 'Urban Unveiled' is a cocktail party that partners all the vendors together, giving everyone a hand in planning the event, that we present to brides and grooms. Couples come to our event to have fun, meet the best wedding vendors in Seattle, and get great ideas for their wedding. All the vendors are pre-screened. The venue we hold this at is decorated with the latest ideas, not the old stand by's. It's great food, an incredible fashion show, and talking with all-around great vendors. These are people who are great innovators and good people to work with.

Rebekah: How long have you been doing 'Urban Unveiled'?

Sharlane: Our very first event was in March of 2007. We had two last year in February and October, and we've decided to have our third event this October, and we'll keep it a fall event here on out.

Rebekah: What type of bride comes to 'Urban Unveiled'?

Sharlane: The tickets aren't cheap, $45 at the door and $75 for our VIP tickets. The bride who comes to this event is someone who expects she'll have to pay for good quality. She's hiring the best of Seattle. Regardless of the budget, she wants something extra special. Mainly, we attract brides that are shopping for quality.

Rebekah: How long is this event?

Sharlane: It's a one-day event. We start out with a VIP hour where VIP guests have exclusive time with the vendors, really get some great one-on-one time. At 6 we have general admission, and we go until 10. We average about 550 guests, and expect 750 this year.

Rebekah: What's your theme this year?

Sharlane: Well...we're still debating. I'd love to revisit the Marie Antoinette theme, but I think we'll end up doing South Beach Urban Chic.

Rebekah: You mentioned VIP tickets and a VIP hour. What's the whole VIP package?

Sharlane: In addition to early admittance, we also supply VIP guests with butler valet marking, and an incredible swag bag. Last year's swag bag had cake plates, wine, earrings, lots of good stuff. It's totally worth getting a VIP ticket.

Rebekah: Is this event catered?

Sharlane: Oh yes! This year Tom Douglas is catering. Last year we had three caterers, including Wolfgang Puck.

Rebekah: You say "we" a lot. Who makes up the "we"?

Sharlane: At the heart of everything is the group of us that started this and spearhead the event every year: me, Sharlane Chase Photography, and Jessie and Travis of True Colors Events.

Rebekah: Overall, how many vendors do you have at the event?

Sharlane: About 50. We try to limit the number of folks in each category to 4 businesses.

Rebekah: And how can we all get tickets to this incredible event?

Sharlane: Tickets go on sale in September, and we sell out fast. Keep an eye on our website for the latest info on ticket sales.

For more information on Sharlane Chase and her photography business, check out her website. For more information on 'Urban Unveiled', check out their website.

And enjoy these wonderful pictures from previous 'Urban Unveiled' wedding shows.



Happy planning!
Rebekah Ross
Weddings and Events